signs a guy just isn't worth the time

“That guy’s no good…for you Janelle…” For those who remember the show Teen Mom, Barbara, one of the girl’s moms was a fan favorite with lively spirit and unforgettable accent. She became famous for letting her daughter know she was making poor dating choices. Anyone dated a bad boy who truly was no good? Been there!

I dated the guy in college for eleven months…eleven months too long. He went to worship each week with Baptist Campus Ministries, played in the praise band, and even wanted to be a student pastor. It sounded great, but after my friends and family told me he was bad news and he belittled me, I questioned the situation. It is never a good sign when you have to convince yourself it is a good idea.

I am thankful that God was loving and patient with me and cleared my vision to see it was a toxic relationship. He is always faithful and loved me in the healing. As high schools have begun classes again and colleges are beginning fall festivities, dating is part of the fun. Especially in college, relationships become serious and marriage is a reality for some. I hope to point out some warning signs so YOU’RE not the girl in a dangerous dating relationship.

signs a guy just isn’t worth the time

History of cheating. If he has cheated before, he will probably do it again. Don’t be that girl.

Treats others differently based on appearance or status. This attitude demonstrates shallow character and makes me wonder how much Jesus influences his life.

Does not encourage you to keep the rules or do what is best. Someone who truly loves you will tell you the truth even when you don’t want to hear it. Hold out for the boy who loves you enough to lovingly get real with you.

Puts you down, even in jest. There is never a good reason for a boy to make fun of you. Ever. You can tell the difference between joking and actually putting you down. Making fun of your body or the way you dress is never appropriate. It will most likely get worse in marriage.

No time in church or spiritual edification. Equally yoked means equality in a relationship with Jesus, which goes beyond just being a Christian (2 Corinthians 6:14). A bad relationship is certain to sour if the boy and the girl are on different spiritual levels. The weaker person will always influence the stronger person.

Tries to isolate you. If he keeps you from friends or family and insists on living as the center of your universe, there is trouble ahead. This controlling attitude can spiral out of control more quickly than you think and can create a lonely life without support.

Easily angered and violent. This shows a definite lack of self control and can become dangerous quickly. A boy fit for dating and marriage is calm and patient, not volatile. A boy should never touch you in a violent way and if he does, he will surely do it again.

Tries to control your day. Desperation much? A boy should have interests he is involved in and friends other than you. If he has to keep track of where you are and who you are with at all times, it is a sure sign there is more trouble ahead. He lacks self-confidence and it is unhealthy for a person to depend on another for self-worth.

My amazing seminary counseling professors always reminded us that only two healthy people can enjoy a healthy relationship. Two unhealthy people OR one healthy and one unhealthy person also create an unhealthy relationship. In short, two people need to be complete as individuals before they can complement another human being.

If there are any reservations, talk to God and ask for His wisdom and follow it. He always knows what is best for His children (Jeremiah 29:11). God gives us His Holy Spirit to lead and guide, so listen to His guidance. Only you can truly know whether the relationship you are in is healthy or unhealthy. Many girls are praying for their future husband and desire that kind of relationship.

After breaking free from the toxic relationship I was in sophomore year of college, I struggled with wondering if I would ever find anyone else. I worried I would never date anyone else. This was not the case and, instead, I was free to find a great guy who complements my personality and spiritual life. Remember, God knows your heart (Romans 8:27) and wants the best for you.

My dear sister in Christ, you are an image-bearer of God (Genesis 1:27). You are so incredibly valuable that Jesus gave up His life on a cross for you so you can have a relationship with Him (Romans 5:8). Look toward a fun, joy-filled relationship where God is honored and hold out for a hero.

As we go, I want to encourage you to look up these verses and read them for yourself. It is advantageous to know the Word for yourself and do not just believe what I say! We need to know Scripture to know how to live. Go on, do it!

Have a wonderful week, friends!

Love,

Charis